She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
