that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
