i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
