Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The power of my boobs compel you
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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