Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
