The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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