saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
