she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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