I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
