It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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