she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize