God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
