I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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