Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Im part way to drunk.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
