Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
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I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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