Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize