if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
