I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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