it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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