:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
