i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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