remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize