I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
