Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
