I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
