So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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