I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
