Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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