Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
