Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
