i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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