apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
