What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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