with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
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Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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