There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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