Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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