he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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