what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
