Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
