Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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