I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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