I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
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Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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