She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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