Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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