OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
