we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
