I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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