I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
