you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
