Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
