I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
