I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
