If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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