I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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