something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
