we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
