Taylor Swift is so right about you.
from now on my penis is your penis
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
