i was born a porn star she said
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You pole danced in your parka.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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