Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
