Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize