the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
