Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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