I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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