god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
