where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
