i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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