and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
