her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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