there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm getting married
To pizza
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Drunk is a universal language darling
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
