Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
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You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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