wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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