David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
