he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
