We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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