This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
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Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
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Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I need a beard to bite.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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