We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
