I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
