How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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