hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
