I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
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I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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